im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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