oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize