two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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