Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
