How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
