Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
