just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
