I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
