Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
