I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
