At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He? As in you personified your dick?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
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