Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
