I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
my shit smells like andre
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
