he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize