Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
