i can't believe i had my finger in that
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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