I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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