Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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