forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
