hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
