yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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