I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
