You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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