I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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