in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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