it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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