my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
