So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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