TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
