I will die if light touches me.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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