yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize
