so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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