sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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