your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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