I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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