When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
