i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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