I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
