Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Dear god my vagina.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
