chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
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