I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
