just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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