I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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