I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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