Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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