He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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