Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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