dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
