____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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