It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
