some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
