This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize