Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
