so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
