i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Randomize
