Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I will die if light touches me.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
