She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
