I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
