1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
