hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
