Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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