i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize
